So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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