Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize