Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
