we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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