Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
