these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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