We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
