nut hugger
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
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