I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Randomize
