Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Randomize