I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
