i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
