i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Randomize