What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
