I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Randomize
