people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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