So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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