Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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