He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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