I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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