did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
