I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
