but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
