I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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