I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
