If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
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