He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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