Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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