Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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