I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
