i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
