New low: just hacked my moms facebook
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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