I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
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