South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
