I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Randomize
