Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Randomize
