Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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