I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
