Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Oh god it's open bar.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
