please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
