My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize