3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I am spending my child support on dildos
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Randomize
