Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
