I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I smell stomach acid.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
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