I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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