I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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