I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
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