She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
