What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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