Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
