I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I am puke
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
