she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
