I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Randomize