oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
honey bunches of taint.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
