So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
