we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
