just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
