Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
