I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
