You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
