thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
