we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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