I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Randomize
