I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Randomize
