Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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