I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
