should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
