the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Randomize
