I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Randomize