OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
