Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
