Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize