I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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