Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
