Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I just blew my weed a kiss
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
