So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
