grandma shit on top of the toilet
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
