he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
