weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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