Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
