It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
