I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Randomize