my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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