He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
