I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
This can only be settled by a dance off.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
