I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Randomize
