We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
