I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
