at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
where are my eyebrows?
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
