They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Randomize
