I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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