it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Randomize
