I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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