I think I just saw someone hide a body.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
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