she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
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