ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
