I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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