You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
This is my gift to your gina
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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