I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
