the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
