people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
