We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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