Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
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