I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
