the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
He better not be in your backpack
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Randomize
