A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
