Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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