You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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