I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
